I used to make this joke about Nonviolent Communication, that I could “teach it to you in 10 minutes, then it would take you 2 years to learn.” There was some truth to that, the model is simple, but to become fluent in this way of thinking and speaking, much more than understanding is required.

I have a long standing passion to understand humans beings, why we function and interact like we do, and how we can develop and change. In a recent conversation on these topics with a Psychologist friend of mine , she said “this is also about creating a new brain”. I stopped in my tracks, and started doing research into modern neuroscience and adult learning theory to broaden my understanding. There are some factors that corroborate my ideas:

Our brains function based on a kind of economy: neurological pathways fire in familiar tracks or patterns, and the more often they fire in a track, the more likely they will fire there again. Sort of like driving the same route to work every day, we don’t have to spend the energy to figure out how long it will take, make new decisions about where to turn, or worry about surprise traffic jams or road constructions.

Learning something new means creating a new “habit” (new patterns that are likely to fire “automatically”) out of a “thought” (pattern held in our working memory). One of my teachers, Wendy Palmer, often jokes “If reading was sufficient, we would all be enlightened.” No, we have to also •DO• something to make it stick. Repetition, “charge”, and variety of methods are called for.

– Repetition: this is where we “train the brain” to fire in new patterns. As we do a new activity over and over, we actually build new connections and increase likelihood for new ways of being. Just as with fitness exercises, it’s the repeated action and not the heavy lifting that makes the difference in building muscle tissue.

– Charge: For the repetitions to have an effect on our physiology, we have to also keep it interesting, or charged. We have to make an enticing case for taking that new and therefor perhaps challenging route to work! If there is not enough charge or motivation, apparently nothing really changes in the brain. If there is too much charge, the system goes into overwhelm, and no new pathways are created. Perhaps this notion of repeated body movements as a way to learn new ways to connect and communicate (rather than real life situations) is so effective because it makes it interesting while also safe…

– Variety: Studies show that using several of our faculties also aids in building new neural pathways. If we have a body practice, a visual anchor, and a mental idea, new pathways will form to represent all those, leading to more complex neural representations and more “access” to the new learning.

When I work with a coaching client, we always seek ways to form new, desired habits through some repeated activity or practice. Sometimes it’s yoga or walks in nature, sometimes it’s more subtle practices like sensing the back of the body touch the back of the chair – all depending on presenting issues and challenges, and on what capacity we’re working to develop. In the “Flex Your Empathy Muscle“- classes we blend the movements from the “NVC Kata*” with words, feelings and supportive interactions, creating a fruitful environment for real change to happen. Come check it out!

Warmly,
Maja

*) Footnote: Kata (~”form”) is a Japanese word describing detailed choreographed patterns of movements practiced either solo or in pairs. The “NVC kata” is a “form” I designed for the purpose of integrating the principles, process and vocabulary of Nonviolent Communication.