I’ve always loved dancing, and for about 6 years I danced in a context that emphasized interaction based on self connection and authentic expression. Free form, lightly facilitated dancing to dj’d music. I danced on Wednesdays and Sundays, and sometimes on Fridays. I took additional classes and became certified to facilitate my own dance groups. I made friends and built community with other dancers. I danced every week.

And then I stopped, cold turkey. All-of-a-sudden, I had become intensely drawn to sitting still. My meditation practice took priority over the joy of dancing.

At first I was very puzzled over this radical lifestyle change, but by exploring the universal needs met by one practice and the other, it became rather clear: I discovered a previously “disowned” need for stability.  For all those years on the dance floor, I had built up internal capacity for flexibility, movement, expression, interaction, letting go, and for a kind of bodily listening to others. Now I’m practicing – deepening and “flexing muscles” – in the area of stability, persistence, and structure… The image of a mountain comes up, its unquestionable nature of being. But to have my need for stability met, it takes more than having a powerful image, or a good intention. I gotta DO new things and make new requests.

Think about it for a moment: What we do in our everyday life strengthens certain qualities and capacities, meets certain universal needs, and informs how we see ourselves… What is it that YOU do regularly? What capacity are you building up? What needs are you meeting? And, how does that affect your self identity?  And… what are you leaving out? What needs or qualities does not get built by your everyday habits?

• Do you usually stick with a plan, or often reschedule? (Building strength for persistence or spontaneity, respectively.)
• Do you work with people? with things? with concepts and theories? (And what interaction style gets nurtured?)
• Do you run, workout at a gym, participate in sports, study martial arts or exercise some other way – or not? (Meeting universal needs  for physical well being if you exercise, or perhaps ease and choice if you don’t.)
• Do you meditate, do yoga or some other spiritual practice on a daily basis? (How does that affect your self connection and ability to focus?)

What we do more of also shapes who we are, how we  see ourselves: In the months since my last dance class, I discovered that “being a dancer” had become so ingrained with how I saw myself, that there was little room for a more honest and integrated self identity. (This, I’m afraid, is the case for any label we give ourselves or others.)

In ongoing Coaching we explore how self identity and daily “practices” support  – or don’t support – clients’ desired outcomes, and we often work at this subtle but profound level for transformational change.

In “Flex Your Empathy Muscle” we work on developing “capacity for being empathic” as much as learning Nonviolent Communication (NVC) skills. Many NVC students have found out the hard (or sad) way that what makes NVC really work – really connecting – is NOT getting the syntax right. Instead it’s the “magic” that comes about from deep listening and authentic sharing with an intention for connection. When we build capacity for empathic presence through specific, repeated gestures that each symbolize an aspect of NVC, we also practice a way of being that is likely to increase our satisfaction in conversations of all kinds. Come check it out.

Love to all,
Maja