Nonviolent Communication, or NVC, is rooted in both eastern and western thought: in the academic field of psychology on the one hand, and the ancient philosophy of nonviolence – ahimsa – on the other. Humanistic psychology teaches about growth in the personal realm, about unconditional positive regard, and empowerment (agency) for the individual. Nonviolence or ahimsa – as Gandhi and King helped the world see – works within the assumption of everyone’s inherent unity, connection and interdependence, which of course is also the basis of most spiritual practice.

Thus, NVC becomes an interface of sorts, between spiritual and personal aspects within the individual, and between self and other in our interactions. As communication and thought are deeply interrelated, we train our thinking as much as our speaking skills with NVC. With practice and over time, our thoughts about “who we are” gets a system upgrade.

NVC provides a structure for having conversations and interactions that tap into our inherent connectedness. We pay attention to our shared humanity through the realm of Feelings, and we explore our universalness through the realm of Needs. We learn to be specific about what we want to address and about what we would like others to do for us. We learn to listen, express and respond from a place of self-connection. This structure has the effect of bringing us into the present moment with each other.

The structure alone does not make us “nonviolent”, though: it’s quite possible to “use NVC” and people experience us as manipulative or controlling! This is why we are invited to tend to self and other with equal care: to listen without prejudice, speak without expectation of certain outcomes, and, to meet “yes” or “no” to our requests with equal acceptance. In other words, to practice interacting “as if” we are as unified in our humanness as in our hearts. This is the nonviolence part of NVC. We could call it “living ahimsa”.

Maja Bengtson (c)
October 17, 2019