it’s not cool
to point out
in public
how i failed

it not cool
to single me out
to heighten my
otherness
and claim
that I don’t
belong

it’s not cool
to bring me
into
your shame

I was always
cool
for kicks
and survival
for longer than ever

social adaption
at a terrible
cost

my own vulnerability
drowned out,
untouchable
through notion of
cool

I was never
cool

always shivering
below the surface

will they accept me?
or put me out
in the dark cold night
of shame
of laughter
of becoming a means
for their bonding together more fully?

social psychology
and politics of war
both know this by heart
that groups form
most quickly
when facing a common enemy

it’s not cool
to point out
my non-belonging
question my origins
or my right to be here

last night I put myself
in a circle of people
a whole new group
of diverse background
none of my own

and was embraced
full on
by a toddler aged girl
with a broad smile
glow in her eyes
and time on her hands

we communed for a bit
at safe distance
while her grownup
was helping out in the back

being cool
builds barriers of judgment
walls of
imaginary
separation

how to join
a movement where I’d stand alone
embrace my vulnerability
shock others with unheard-of
confidence

determine myself
that I belong
to this race
of humans
from everywhere

having my own unique
set of beliefs
and understandings
and still
be part
of that unified
wholeness
of life

© Maja Bengtson, 2017